Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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