That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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