I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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