3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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