I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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