I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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