when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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