She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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