toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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