totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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