He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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