can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize