I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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