if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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