I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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