Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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