went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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