remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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