dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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