So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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