Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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