apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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