I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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