I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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