Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize