The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize