Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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