You just made me feel so damn special
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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