We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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