I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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