I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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