This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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