I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize