At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize