This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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