sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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