Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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