Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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