Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize