1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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