Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize