i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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