I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize