Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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