This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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