I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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