Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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