His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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