birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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