i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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